


Foundations

by RainbowLookingGlass



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Anxiety, Panic, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-16
Updated: 2016-11-16
Packaged: 2018-08-31 08:22:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8571313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RainbowLookingGlass/pseuds/RainbowLookingGlass
Summary: Bitty knew he couldn't keep his secret forever, but he'd been hoping he could reveal it on his own terms. When it's forced out of him by his overly enthusiastic teammates, he's worried that he'll lose everything just as he got it. AU where Bitty has a panic attack in the locker room before he can black out on the ice.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Finally, my first Check, Please fanfic! I'm really excited to contribute to the fandom <3

The past few days had been surprisingly… okay. Bitty was scared at first, right after meeting the team, but really things were going pretty well. He wasn’t exactly clicking with the team, but he wasn’t being excluded either. Shitty had deemed him Bitty, and practice had been mostly drills and conditioning, and Bitty had gotten to show off just how fast he was. There was some chirping about his size, and they hadn’t stopped begging him for more pie (which he was holding out on as punishment for the utter lack of respect they’d shown the last one). Overall, though, Bitty was happy with how things were going. He could see himself being friends with these guys in time.

 

Bitty is pondering this after his third practice. Today was all conditioning, and he was still swelling with pride at how he’d left the boys in the dust during suicide sprints. Even Jack, Mr. Hockey God himself, was no match for Bitty’s impressive footwork. Bitty grinned as he finished toweling off his hair and putting on some shorts. He was so vlogging about this later.

All of a sudden, something warm and solid and big was hitting him from his side, knocking him off his feet. He fell to his knees, feeling an arm wrap around his neck while something ground into his wet hair. He only barely registered the pain from the impact, the voice crowing “Bitty, you’ve been holding out on us! Big surprises come in small packages, you were like a fucking bullet out there!” into his ear. His heart felt like it was trying to burst out of his chest, his breath coming in short pants. He struggled, desperately trying to push whoever this was off of him, but instead the arms wrapped more tightly around him, forcing him to the ground as laughter filled his ears. Everything started to get fuzzy around the edges as his brain screamed DANGER, HURT, SCARED. 

“Stop!” he cried, his voice quiet and sounding strangled from the tightness in his throat. But he wasn’t stopping, it wasn’t stopping, it was never going to…  
“STOP!” he yelled louder, wriggling as hard as he could and clawing harder at the arms. They immediately disappeared, leaving him on the floor. He scrambled backwards until his back hit a wall, curling up into a ball. Tears were streaming down his face now, he couldn’t catch his breath, dear lord he was dying. He could hear commotion and voices around him, the noise felt deafening, it was too much, too much and he just couldn’t-

“Bittle. Hey, can you look at me?” Bitty just shook his head, tremors still wracking his body. “Eric, please. It’s okay, you’re safe. Just look up, alright?” Hesitantly, Bitty lifted his face from his knees. Jack was kneeling there, right in front of him, hand raised. Bitty startled, crawling sideways as quickly as he could until he hit the corner. He pushed himself into it as hard as he could, letting a high-pitched whine of fear leave his throat. Jack just stayed where he was, putting his hand on the ground.

“Bitty, hey, chill, bro. I was just messing with yo-“

“Leave him alone.” Jack cut Holster off, using his firm captain voice but not raising it. Ransom put his hand on Holster’s shoulder and pulled him back a bit, whispering to him. Jack turned back to Bitty.

“It’s alright, Bittle. You’re okay, this isn’t going to last forever. Can you understand me?” Eric nodded, eyes locked on Jack. His stomach turned, and in the back of his mind he wondered if he was going to throw up. “Good. Just focus on me, ok? I’m going to stay right here. Nobody’s hurting you. I’m going to count, ok? Can you breathe with me while I count?” If he was being honest, he wasn’t sure, but he nodded anyway. Jack began to slowly count, in for 2 and out for 4, exaggerating his own breath so that Bitty could mimic him. Bitty couldn’t keep up at first, couldn’t keep his breath under control, but Jack periodically slipped in little encouragers, telling Bitty how well he was doing, that he was ok, that it would be over soon. Slowly Bitty began to breathe in synch with Jack, the shaking was only in his hands, his heart was beating at a more normal pace. Jack quieted, giving him a minute to just breathe and come back to himself a bit. Finally, Bitty looked up into the concerned eyes of all his teammates, huddled up behind Jack’s kneeling form. He swallowed, willing the panic not to come back.  
“I, uh… I’m sorry ‘bout that, y’all. I’m okay now, no need to worry. Terribly sorry,” he babbled. He wished the ground would swallow him up. He’d never wanted any of his teammates to see him this way.

“It’s alright, Bittle. It happens. Can you stand?” Jack asked, getting to his feet himself. Bitty nodded, uncurling himself and climbing to his feet. He was still a bit dizzy and swayed, Jack reaching out to steady him automatically. At Bitty’s flinch, though, he pulled back, letting Bitty grab the wall for support instead. He turned to the team. “Everything is fine. Finish cleaning up, head to the dining hall for breakfast,” he ordered, leaving no room for argument. They complied, murmuring, and soon the locker room was back to normal, guys talking and laughing and bumping shoulders. 

Bitty quickly pulled a shirt over his head and gathered his stuff, desperately just wanting to go back to his dorm, away from people. Just as he was about to walk out of the locker room, Jack stepped in front of him, hands in his pockets. “Walk with me around the Pond?” he asked casually. Bitty wanted nothing more than to say no, to run away and curl up and hide. He didn’t want to acknowledge what just happened ever, especially not with his captain.

“Alright,” he heard himself agreeing instead, falling in step with Jack easily. They walked to the Pond in silence, and Bitty wished he could just know what Jack was thinking. Probably that he was weak, that he was some sort of baby. Realizing that there’s no way Bitty would be able to take checks. Considering kicking him off the team.

“Has that happened before?” Jack asked abruptly, not looking at Bitty. Bitty took a deep breath. The last thing he wanted to do was talk about it, but he reasoned that he owed Jack an explanation after he calmed Bitty down so well.

“A couple times,” he said hesitantly. “Usually when people get too… rough with me. I’m not a fan.” Jack glanced at him, confused.

“Bittle. Hockey is a contact sport. You played before Samwell,” he hadn’t actually asked anything, but Bitty heard the question loud and clear.

“I was on the coed team. No checking. I… probably couldn’t take a check. That’s probably what would happen,” Bitty admitted, looking at the ground, his cheeks flaming. They walked in silence for a while, Jack looking out at the pond pensively.

“I get them too,” Bitty’s gaze snapped up to Jack, shocked. “Panic attacks. Not as much anymore. But I had to face the things that caused them for them to go away.” Jack mused for a bit. “Seeing a therapist isn’t a bad idea. Neither is checking practice. We’ll make sure you can handle a hit before the season starts.” Bitty opened his mouth to protest, to tell him he couldn’t possibly put Jack out like that, burden him like that. But one look at the determined look on Jack’s face, and he swallowed all his words.

“I… okay. Thank you,” he said instead. He wasn’t sure what these practices would consist of, but he sincerely hoped they wouldn’t be too humiliating. Jack gave him a small, almost smile and rumpled his hair.

“Come on, let’s head to team breakfast, Bittle. You need to get some protein, build up those muscles. What are you, 100 pounds soaking wet?” Jack chirped, smirking. Bitty did his best to glare at him.

“I’ll have you know I am 125, Jack Zimmerman! Not everyone can be hockey giants, you know,” he said, crossing his arms. Jack just laughed, walking them in the direction of the dining hall.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr @thesegayhockeynerds!


End file.
